reflectionoffear

This evening we went to a classy jazz restaurant, listened "under my skin" and had some red wine.. we left, stopped to eat something, came back home laughing and singing.. then stopped to talk a bit and what came out is that now I'm pretty much more alone then I was before... Probably my poor little brain hasn't still grasped what happened but something is already missing.. I can't describe what I feel other then that because actually I don't feel..I just know that, when this thing starts beating again, it will hurt way more then before... I'm sorry...I failed you... as friend and person... Edit: maybe not all is bad as it seems.. it'll be

When I'm very sad I feel cold... And now I'm shivering... Why can't I be who I want Why can't I fend for my pleasure rather than subdue to my pain... I feel so lonely and used and tired I am worth only that much? Am I so easy to sacrifice? It seams the things are like that... After years same old game.. Same old pain... Only difference is that I am more willing to stop playing.. but I still can't.. damn..

Italy is weird.. I called my isp and told them I wanted to change to another one... the next day they call me back offering me 2 months free if I stay...oh, well...